Too Selfish for Friendship

Song of Solomon, a 1977 novel by Toni Morrison, focuses on the life of Milkman, a boy caught in the middle of racial and familial tensions who focuses solely on himself, thus preventing me from ever wanting to befriend him. I believe hard times determine the strength of a friendship and while Milkman’s relationships flourish during good times, as soon as he might have to make sacrifices, he prioritizes himself over everyone else in his life. However, he shows potential to become a better person through his ethics. For example, I appreciate his honesty when he criticizes his best friend, Guitar, for joining a secret organization that kills innocent white people, yet he remains friends with Guitar and keeps his secret (159). While I admire Milkman’s loyalty to his friend, he seems to maintain the friendship mostly because he enjoys having fun with Guitar and he prioritizes his selfish need for excitement over his moral objections to his friend’s actions. As long as Guitar’s violence does not affect him, Milkman appears fine with befriending a murderer, highlighting his self-absorbed nature. Although I hardly condone Guitar’s racist and violent actions, I admire how he risks his life and sacrifices for a cause he believes in, while Milkman refuses to take act on his convictions, lest he jeopardize his comfortable lifestyle. Morrison sums up Milkman’s attitude as a “mood of lazy righteousness,” directly characterizing him as “lazy” and juxtaposing Milkman’s indolent behavior and the hardworking attitude of the rest of the male characters (120).  Morrison continues to juxtapose the two boys and their outlooks on life and when Guitar and Milkman fantasize about some gold they plan to steal, she highlights Milkman’s dreams of buying planes and cars for himself while Guitar imagines buying nice things for his family (179). Throughout the novel, Milkman concentrates solely on his own desires, even if it requires stepping on others to ensure his happiness. In particular, he seems ungrateful for the women in his life, causing his own sister to describe him as a “pitiful, stupid, selfish, hateful man” for treating his mother and sisters as though they mattered less than him (216). I could never befriend Milkman because I not only strongly disagree with his sexist views, but I also believe friendship requires mutual respect and he would look down on me because of my gender. The disgust his siblings show for him and he shows for his best friend implies that he does not value creating strong, lasting relationships with anyone and would turn on his friends in an instant, leaving him someone who will never experience a true friendship unless he drastically changes.