Only Minor Carpal Tunnel Syndrome

Two years ago, I, along with around twenty other sophomores nervously sat in Honors English, preparing to write my first paragraph that Ms. Serensky would read and grade. We sat, stressed out, panicking at the idea of not only writing an entire paragraph in forty minutes, but at also having Ms. Serensky judge our writing. Right before we began the dreaded task, someone remembered, and announced out loud, that at Springfest we had heard Ms. Serensky mention her preference for black ink. Immediately, everyone began scrambling around, desperately searching for a black pen to write over the heading they had already done in blue. Naïve, we did not realize we would have to prepare for more than choosing the right ink color. So here I have outlined some of the most basic things to know for AP English:

• Annotate your books. They should have more of your notes than the author’s words by the time you finish. Perhaps more importantly, do not use a pen any color other than blue or black.

• Practice some dance moves because every Wednesday you will face the uncertainty of not knowing if you will be chosen for the blog show. If selected for this prestigious honor, music will play as you awkwardly shuffle to the front of the room. Of course, half the class will not dance when called up and Serensky will stare them down. Do not become one of those people.

•  Do not make direct eye contact with Ms. Serensky, especially if you must get a planned absence form signed…never mind, you should NEVER miss English class anyway. If miss a day, do not come back.

• Speak only if spoken to, unless in a class discussion. In that case, put all friendships aside to rack up the participation points. Become aggressive. Before discussion, create an extensive list of ideas for any possible discussion topic, because, without a doubt, other students will say 99 percent of your comments before you can.

• When typing a paragraph or essay out of class, do not try to change the font size or make the margins .99” instead of 1”. Serensky will notice.

• Memorize quotes for the AP test. If you cannot have three books memorized front to cover by May then you chose the wrong class.

• Invest in energy drinks and red bull to help you function without any sleep. Make sure to have a stash every quarter for the data sheet.

If you follow these basic instructions, you should emerge from AP English two years later alive and a better writer with only minor carpal tunnel syndrome.